She's lost control
by Moonphase
Summary: Four short chapters about three women, Misa, Takada and Sayu, and the relationship they have with Light once he become Kira. Based on the Joy Division song. Very slight AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N- Ok, before you read this, note that this was an experiment I was trying out. I decided to do a 'song fic' but with a twist, instead of writing normal prose, then putting some song lyrics in the middle, I decided to try and insert the lyrics directly into the story, for example by making the characters say it or making it part of a whole sentence.**

**It's trying to make a story around the lyrics of a song. It might sound easy, but it's been pretty hard. The song I chose was _'She's Lost Control'_ by Joy Division, and I've put the lyrics above each chapter, so you can see if you can find them yourself. They'll be three to four chapters all together, matching the stanza's of the song. **

**It's also important to note that I changed from third person to first person, and from past tense to present tense and this chapter hasn't been beta'd (not through a lack of trying to get beta's). **

**Please, therefore, forgive any errors, but by all means, point them out. **

**Thank you very much.**

* * *

_Confusion in her eyes that says it all._  
_She's lost control._

_And she's clinging to the nearest passerby,_  
_She's lost control._

_And she gave away the secrets of her past,_  
_And said I've lost control again,_

_And of a voice that told her when and where to act,_  
_She said I've lost control again._

Joy Division- She's lost control

* * *

"_Confusion in her eyes,"_ I think to myself. "_That says it all. She's lost control."_

It's right she deserves to die this way, clinging to the closest passerby, making a show of herself on the streets of Tokyo. It's symbolic of the shambolic life she has led, and of her sins.

I stare at Misa, a safe distance away from her. She can see me; her arm is stretching out to me even as she begins to froth at the mouth from her convulsions and as people are trying to get her to lie down on her side whilst they call the emergency services.

She's disgusting, really, an appalling specimen of humanity and now I realise that I have always been too kind to her. She wasn't too bad, at the beginning. She was obedient and calm and composed. Granted she had always given a show of being dim witted and excitable, but that was an act, Misa was intelligent to know I am her superior, that I am the voice she obeys, the voice that tells her when and where and how to act, which is how it should be for all people. I am God, I know right and wrong, I have always held a high moral standing and now, with the death note, I have a tool with which I can punish the wicked and lead the ignorant to righteousness.

When did Misa become her act? When did she actually become stupid, co-dependent and pathetic? When had she gotten to the point where she could break so easily?

It's her fault I have written her name down. It is her fault that she is dying, shamefully, in the streets surrounded by strangers.

She shouldn't have lost control...I'll tell her again and...

And she's clinging to the nearest passerby, no longer holding her arm out for me. Does she now realise that I am not coming for her?

Well, she must know she's going to die now, that it is written and so shall come to pass. I wonder if she cares about how ugly she looks? About her messy and uncontrolled she appears? Maybe she just doesn't care anymore. I would. Even in the face of death I would be so crass and cowardly.

Ryuuk the evil satyr floats behind me, he is laughing at her. He finds death most amusing. Maybe her eyes show that she has realised I must have been the one to execute her; maybe the realisation of that alone is enough to kill her.

But I don't feel guilty, why should I?

Misa became Kira for shallow reasons in the first place, oh she went on about her stupid parents, but that was long done with. The criminals were dead and so were her parents, she could have laid it to rest. But she became Kira because she wanted to please and impress me; she wanted me in her bed so that she could moan, and groan and writhe upon me like the whore she is. I shall not miss her whimpers and gasps. Everything about what we did repulses me. I am higher than that now.

_Misa_ was the one who got _caught_. And she was the one who cracked under pressure from L; she actually made a deal with him and then went on to tell him everything. Everything!

_She_ was the one who gave away the secrets of her past and then had the audacity to say to me that she'd, 'lost control again,' as if that was a good enough excuse.

So I have written her name and watched from afar as the pain of the epileptic fit rips it way through her small body and destroys it. And now she cries in agony in the street, clinging to passerby's screaming that's she lost control.

She lost control.

As she slowly still, her leg twitching slightly as the last of her nerves die out, I check the time on my watch. L the detective is next...


	2. Chapter 2

_And she turned around and took me by the hand_  
_And said I've lost control again._

_And how I'll never know just why or understand_  
_She said I've lost control again._

_And she screamed out kicking on her side_  
_And said I've lost control again._

_And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die._  
_She said I've lost control._

_She's lost control again._  
_She's lost control._

_She's lost control again._  
_She's lost control._

* * *

Was Misa the first 'real' girlfriend I had, or was my first was actually Takada? I'm not sure.

For years I toyed with so many girls. It was a game. Seeing how many I could date at one time; the thrill of being caught at any time, of people realising that my polite, honest demeanour was just a facade.

But with Takada it was a little different. With Takada I always assumed I'd marry her, or someone like her. This was not because I loved her. I don't love any woman, not romantically. That would be stupid and weak. I'd be embarrassed to feel such a way.

But to tell people I loved Takada was far less humiliating than saying I loved Misa. Takada had class and style.

But, of course, underneath it all, they're all the same. She was a vacuous and stupid as Misa.

Every time I think back to that day my stomach tenses with anger. L and Misa were gone, but I was still surrounded by fools determined to ruin me. L's decidedly inferior successors, a child and a thug, were the only things now preventing me from putting Kira's rule to full fruition.

But then Takada, my sensible, organised, reasonable-minded ally- she lost control.

She came to see me after the task force went home. We were supposed to be going out on a date. She was wearing too much make up, so how I never knew just why or understood that she had lost control I'll never know. After a long, expensive meal and her trying to fill the space with small talk, she finally looked me in the eye and she took me by the hand and said, "I lost control again."

"What do you mean?" My eyes glowered in frustration. She began to tear at her napkin, nervous and twitchy.

"I lost control...I lost control of him..."

"Of who?" I nearly yelled. There were people around us and I needed to be careful but she was being so stupid, and I was getting so angry. It was Misa all over again.

Then she told me the truth, her eyes lowered onto the expensive restaurant table cloth. Her colleague had gone mad with power. He had announced to the world that Kira needed more money, and in fact, was hoarding all for himself. Kira's name, my name, was being abused!

"You are in charge of the media section!" I hissed. I often was too busy to handle the media's attention with Kira. I had the task force and the Holy duty of killing criminals to be getting on with. The juggling act between them was nearly _impossible_, especially with Near and Mello thrown into the mix. Takada was supposed to be helping me! I had thought she was competent!

"You should have controlled him! How long has this been going on without your apparent notice?"

She did not answer. I was disgusted. Had she perhaps been taking a cut for herself? But then why would she tell the truth now? Besides, as much as my esteem of her had lowered in the last few hours, I still granted her with enough intelligence to hide the fact that she was using my name to extort people better than Hitoshi Demegawa .

Then maybe she really _hadn't_ noticed? Maybe she had been distracted? But then what thing would distract my dear Kiyomi? She had no close relatives, no pressing home-life issues?

The only thing that I could imagine would distract her from her work is me. I snarl, "have you fallen in love with me?"

But she says nothing as I throw down the napkin I had unconsciously been gripping. It was pathetic. She really was as bad as Misa. And just how and why women always allow their emotions to run riot, when the stakes are so high, I'll never understand!

"I have to go the bathroom," I mutter.

She opens her mouth in a gasp, "please Light, no! No! Please don't do this!"

So she already knows my plans, does she? That is only further proof of her guilt.

I turn to her, keeping my face as void of emotion as possible. Tears have made her eyes shine and terror is etched into her face. "I am scared of Mu..." She whispers.

"Quiet!" I demand under my breath as to not attract attention. Instantly she sit up straight, her face more controlled but still looking like it would break out in a heavy scream at any moment. "You lost control," I tell her, before stalking away to the bathroom. Behind me, I hear her break down into tears.

She has lost control.

xxx

Safe in a cubicle I write her name down in my death note:

_Kiyomi Takada- Has a fit and dies._

Ryuuk is by my side once again, "hyuk, hyuk, offing another girlfriend Light?"

I do not answer him. We're in a public place, and I cannot risk people hearing me talking in the cubicle seemingly to myself.

Anger makes my hand shake slightly, and for a fleeting moment I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Hastily I throw the thought away. One thing I have learnt about myself over the years I've been Kira is that I always do the right thing. I am absolutely a genius, higher than even L.

A scream breaks out in the dining area followed by clashes and gasps. I run out the bathroom, my facial expression the perfect parody of concern.

Kiyomi has fallen to the ground a fit shaking through her body. She screams, kicking out on her side. Froth poured out of her mouth and she seized up on the floor.

Seized up on the ground, I'd thought she'd die quicker than she did; it was harder than Misa's death, simply due to proximity. I dislike being near death. Especially messy deaths.

I wiped away a tear and ignored the worry that it had been genuine.

* * *

**A.N- I understand that I have made Light really quite evil in this fic. I hope sympathisers can forgive me and don't think I'm bashing him. I'm going with the idea that he is fully in his 'Kira' era now, but a bit of the old Light still lingers.**

**In the cannon, Mikami kills off Demegawa and Takada takes his place. But this fic has a slightly altered time line (due to Misa being killed off in what would have been the first arc, or the L arc) and so here Kiyomi was already pretty powerful and Light's already pretty crazy and unreasonable.**

**I think this chapter is superior to the last, but I don't think this experiment is very succesful. Still two more chapters to go, so it might work.**

**Again, this fic changed tenses and changed from third to first person when I re-wrote the second draft, so there may be continuity errors in the writing style. Again, I ask your forgiveness if that is the case, but also feel free to point out any errors.**


End file.
